Brian Hofmeister
Christ's Church of the Capital District
41+ small groups at the church
Quality: The understanding of written language was the strength of this book. Each chapter began with a real time story from a real time issue, followed by observations, teaching, and then illustrations of how to apply. It was very easy to follow their train of thought. The authors successfully moved from one topic to another without being redundant.
Usability: This book won’t be an instant classic, but it sure did a great job of hitting timeless parenting issues with timeless principles.
Relevancy: I was worried this would be another cliché book on parenting, but Cloud and Townsend rose to the challenge. They have a wealth of information on social/psychological dynamics, and they focused these strengths well into key parenting issues.
Creativity: This book is profound more than creative. Instead supplying a wide array of alternative approaches, they help you dive into the inner workings of disciplining, rewarding, maturing, etc… At times, I’d even say their findings were bold.
Theologically Sound: Although the book is not intensive with scripture, it does give strong attention to and references Biblical principles.
GENERAL OVERVIEW:
Boundaries with Kids by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend is an excellent book for personal use or group discussion. My small group took in on chapter by chapter and truly grew each other as parents in the process.
Boundaries with Kids is about maturing our children through giving them reality. As reality would have it, you don’t get to hide behind blame, manipulate through complaint, or escape without consequence. Our task as parents is to create a “reality” in the home that will be consistent with the reality they will face in the world as adults.
Cloud & Townsend cover ten principles, or “laws” of reality, that we need to create for children in the home. Our children need to know how Sowing and Reaping works, how Responsibility works, as well as Power, Respect, Motivation, Pain, Reactivity, Envy vs. Thankfulness, Activity, and Vulnerable Exposure. Each law is its own chapter, and each is written quite well with theological and social implications, illustrations, and personal examples.
Contrary to what you might be thinking, Boundaries with Kids is far from presenting a hardliner stance on parenting. In fact, my group’s only disagreements with Cloud & Townsend were related to what we call “over-empathizing.” While most parents hit a breaking point and want nothing more than to establish who’s the boss, Cloud & Townsend encourage firm empathy in all situations. Every child needs to know that their parents are always with them and for them, yet unbreakable keepers of reality nonetheless.
My small group has grown immensely in keeping boundaries with our kids as a product of Cloud & Townsend’s writing. We are standing firm with tantrums and other behavioral issues, knowing that giving in only breaks their concept of reality. We are letting our children experience real consequences for their behavior, knowing that they need to see themselves as creators of their own lives. We are learning to personalize and model our own boundaries, hoping that one day our children will choose likewise for themselves.
Boundaries with Kids by Cloud & Townsend has been an excellent resource and discussion material for my small group. I expect it will be so for others as well.
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